It’s a very difficult position to be in when someone you love grieves from the loss of a spouse. My dear sister, Pam, lost her husband on July fourth. The Monday before I received a text letting me know that Randy had gone into the hospital.
They ran tests and discovered that Randy was a very sick man. No one knew. He regularly went to the doctor who, sadly missed that not only did Randy have COPD but also a congenital heart defect. These together created a very severe situation for Randy.
Once at the hospital, they did every thing they could imagine to do. But, as they kept repeating to us, Randy was a very sick man. My sister, stayed by his side until she couldn’t due to the procedures they were attempting.
The days were a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. We took every possible sign of hope – baby steps, we thought. But, dear Randy’s heart was just too worn out, too weak.
I saw on my sister’s face the many thoughts that crossed her mind. I saw her stares of disbelief, I saw and felt her grief. I was reminded of when our father passed away. The pain we all felt, but Mom said to us, ‘you just don’t understand. You lost your Dad, but I lost my husband.‘ Now, I see that in my sister’s eyes. A pain I cannot fully understand, nor can I help to relieve.
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
My heart hurts so much for her. I am her big sister and I can’t make this better for her. She actually encouraged me on a ride going from our sister’s home to hers. On the radio played Casting Crown’s ‘Praise You in the Storm‘. Then at his bedside she sang a hymn. My sister knows her God. My sister knows her Savior and she knows her husband now is in heaven.
Yet, her heart hurts for the love, the man whom she shared so many years with. Grief takes time…it takes patience and it takes perseverance. I know God is aware of her pain and sorrow. I know He too can heal this wound as no word, hug or action I could do could be enough.
Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Yes, those who know God also experience grief and pain – we also experience loss and confusion…what will tomorrow and the next day and the next day be like. So many decisions have to be made. I know, she will in time begin to make the right decision…ones that her husband would thoroughly approve of.
Randy was an awesome man. He was a terrific husband and father. You could not out give Randy. I mean it! He had a big heart and would help any one. And he deeply loved my sister and their boy. Boy! Did he love his son.
I wish, I could have one moment to tell him how much I loved him; how much I appreciated just how happy he made my sister and their son.
But, there will be a reunion day. That I did share. One of the thoughts that have held me through the many losses I’ve experienced is that ‘there is a hello after goodbye’. I also know, that it is a truth that the closer we draw to God, the closer He draws to us.
The comfort I wish to bring my sister, the relief from her sorrow can only come from God himself. He gives of Himself so graciously. But, all that I can do, I will. I will give her an ear, a shoulder and do whatever I can to help her in the next few days, weeks, months and years. Siblings are the longest relationships we have – I thank God for my sister, I love her so much. And I thank God for His love, His grace and His salvation…that we can know….goodbye isn’t forever.
Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”